HOW COMPARISON KILLS SUCCESS

Many of us possess an ambition to be successful; the only thing greater than our ambition is our fear of failure. Too often our unrelenting ambition and our immeasurable fear are connected to comparison which is an enemy to true success.I’d love to tell you I am unmoved by the emphasis on success in our world, but I would only be lying. Too often I seduced into looking over my shoulder to see who is behind me and how fast they are gaining, while, at the same time, looking ahead to see who I will pass next.It’s running on a mental and emotional hamster wheel. All it does it tire me out while getting me nowhere. The days when I am on the hamster wheel I am not listening to the right voices, and it’s easy to do amidst the constant, subtle competition and comparison found in everyday life.A friend of mine recently lamented how competitive being a parent has become. Yes, you read that correctly: parenting can be competitive.She said, “Before you have a baby people ask, ‘Home birth or at the hospital?’ Depending on your answer you are met with affirmation or condescension, like you’re wrong if you don’t do what they do. Then your baby is born and the questions keep coming, ‘Disposable or reusable diapers? Stay-at-home parent or pre-school?’” She continued, “What school you send your kid to, or what school accepts them, has become a new standard. Isn’t it amazing how competitive parenting has become?”Parenting should be about loving your child well, teaching her to be strong, helping navigate relationships, crying over a scratched knee or a broken heart, celebrating with them and cheering for them, modeling integrity and pointing them in an honorable direction as they enter adulthood. The problem comes when, in addition to this list, we compare ourselves to others as the standard for how well we parent.This happens in many areas of life. We’ve exchanged contentment for comparison and self-acceptance for competition. Think about how we receive the comments of others. How did you feel the last time you heard someone unfairly critique another? Another way to ask this is, “What was your response the last time you were in the presence of a person who gossiped about someone else?” Be honest.As for me, there have been times when I add to the critique to show how far down the road I really am. Moments when I internalize the negative commentary and do all I can to not be like that when my turn comes. The worst is when I feel shame or embarrassment because I know I am much like the person being critiqued.All of these responses are rooted in comparing myself to someone else, and not believing the truth of who I am. I am not alone. I frequently meet people who have lost the vision to see the truth of who they really are, and have been blinded by the disease of comparison and competition.It happens in our jobs, in our relationships, in our physical health (think physique) and in life. We listen to others tell us what we should and should not be. This comes from friends, bosses, magazines, television programs and co-workers. These voices play loud in the ears of our heart and encourage comparison. They teach us to not look at our true self, but to look at others only to see all the things we are not.This morning I sat with a young man who is waking up to the futility of climbing the corporate ladder. He said, “I’ve let my boss determine my future and it’s empty.” Like many of us, he is learning that winning, success and achievement are often unfulfilling. Yet, when he speaks about his wife and his son he relaxes, his voice takes on a kinder tone and his speaks with a smile. “All I want is to love and care for my family.” This causes me to wonder what we really want.I bet what we really want is more than making a lot of money or acquiring degrees from prestigious universities or how ripped you are or how many hours you work every week. Of course, that’s not what we really want, but it is often what we give much of our time and attention to.In my experience, what we really want is to love others and be loved by others. We long to live in true freedom and walk with gentle fearlessness. We want to spend our time doing things that give us life and energy and by doing those things give others life and energy too. At the end of our lives we want to know the world is a little poorer because we are gone.What is interesting about this is comparison and competition are precisely what stand in opposition to the things we really want. Because when we keep our eyes on the accomplishments of others we can easily be lured away to pursue things we really don’t want.So, what if we defined success based on the truth of who we are in all our glory and brokenness? What if we stopped competing and comparing and committed to bring our whole self into honest, deep relationships? What if we no longer played a part defined by someone else, but ruthlessly pursued emotional and spiritual health? What if failure was not about our inability to keep up with others, but meant a life devoid of serving others or a life lived without love?Maybe the question we should ask is, “How would my life have to change for me to achieve the things I deeply, truly want in this world?” Perhaps, the answer is to look within to see the truth of who we are. In finding the courage to accept ourselves as the magnificent sons and daughters of God we were created to be. For in that, we will see that God has given you and me everything we need to be the person we have always wanted to be.

WHAT'S BETTER THAN HAVING TO SAY SOMETHING

We are a society that bathes in the waters of controversy. Like young birds waiting to fed by their mother, we too wait, mouth agape, for the next controversial story to come through the news cycle. Anytime we are fed, opinions abound.

From Facebook posts and their attending comments, to Tweets, to blogs – we live in a world where anyone has a chance to say something. What we forget is just because we can say something does not mean something needs to be said.

With the massive amount of commentary available online, surprisingly little offers deep insight, true wisdom, compelling thoughts or sensible perspective. The real chore, for any discerning reader, is to slog through the mire of words to find the choice nuggets that actually nourish our heart and soul.

Which causes me to wonder: Why the harmful comments? Why the words that growl when read? Why the insights that plumb the depths of shallowness? Why the ignorance that masquerades as wisdom?

Many believe we have to say something, and do not see we do not have something to say. And if we do not have something to say, then it is better to say nothing at all.

But what is the difference between those who have to say something from those who have something to say? The latter are those who have developed a discipline that is difficult to do and nearly impossible to master. They have learned to listen.

To be still.

To breathe.

To be quiet.

Through this they read more than words and hear more than voices and see more than issues.

They read the desires, aches, hopes, fears and dreams clothed beneath the words. They hear the longing that echoes after each sentence has been spoken, the question behind the question being asked and learn what the soul sounds like when it makes noise. They see the image-bearing human being, the illuminating eyes and what is left unsaid.

They do not only listen to others, but to themselves. They take a candid look at their hearts, discern their true motivations, ruthlessly address their brokenness, courageously confront their fear and are open to hearing from others.

Ultimately, they listen to the Divine.

In the Hebrew Scriptures, the prophets continually say to the people of God, “This is what God says …” For all the prophets performed and spoke and wrote down there was one thing they did more than anything else. They listened. They tuned their ear toward the voice of the Almighty so they would have a word; so they would have something to say.

There are moments when I feel I have to say something. Given my role as a pastor and author it is almost expected of me, and, even worse, I expect it of myself. When I am at my worst what informs my words are: my ego, my craving to be heard and my need to be seen as wise.

But there are other times, moments when I have something to say. When my heart is stirred and there is a fire in my bones and I am weary of holding it in. My thoughts flow as though they come from somewhere else – most likely because they do. The difference between the two is simple. It comes down to listening. Whether I am still, contemplating, meditating and reflecting or only adding to the din too common in our world.

When I do listen I learn that even when I have something to say, that’s not what matters most. What really matter is simply that I am listening and aware and paying attention. For then I have to gift of truly reading, hearing and seeing others and our world. Which raises questions for all of us: How are we practicing the discipline of listening? When do we make space in our noisy lives to listen? What are we hearing when we pause to be still and silent?

Our answers to those questions may well teach us whether or not we need to say anything.

KIM DAVIS AND GOD'S AUTHORITY

Until recently few people knew of Rowan County, Kentucky. Fewer still knew anything about County Clerk Kim Davis. However, since the Supreme Court Decision ruling for same-sex marriage Davis has been thrust into the spotlight for refusing to issue marriage licenses to citizens (See story here).

Today, a video was released of a contentious situation in the clerk’s office where Davis once again refused to issue marriage licenses. She cited “God’s authority” for her refusal to do so. Davis’ supporters believe they “have to stand before God, which has higher authority than the Supreme Court.” And this is precisely where the problem lies.

Davis appeals to God’s authority as the basis for her opposition to the government’s decision regarding same-sex marriage, while, at the same time, she leverages her governmental authority to deny other’s their rights.

To be clear, the government has not required Davis to agree with or affirm same-sex marriage. She has not had to sign a position paper or issue a formal statement of approval of the Supreme Court decision. If she is not willing to do what the law requires of her, then perhaps she should heed the advice given her today (which can be heard on the video). A gay couple at the counter requesting a marriage license said to Davis, “If your beliefs mean that much to you, resign.” They offer good advice.

Because Davis believes the Supreme Court decision flies directly in the face of God it may be good for her to ask, “Should I continue to be employed by and receive my salary from a government that stands in direct opposition to my religious beliefs?” Resignation may well be a good answer to that question.

Some may be quick to argue that remaining in the position of county clerk allows Davis to exercise the greatest influence. John Howard Yoder points out that this is not entirely true. In his book The Politics of Jesus he argues:

“[There is] the assumption that the forces which really determine the march of history are in the hands of leaders of the armies and the markets, in such measure that if Christians are to contribute to the renewal of society they will need to seek, like everyone else - in fact in competition with everyone else - to become in their turn lords of the state and of the economy, so as to use that power toward the ends they consider desirable” (The Politics of Jesus, page 153).

While Davis appeals to God for her beliefs, it seems she believes government is a greater, or perhaps more practical, power when it comes to opposing same-sex marriage. She has chosen to use her governmental position toward the ends she considers desirable. She has chosen to stand against others from a place of political power. And it is in that very place that Davis, and many who support her, seem off point.

Too often we believe taking a stand for our particular agenda from a place of power is the best way forward. And when we do this we miss the heart of God found in the practice of Jesus.

Jesus, to whom all authority was given, came from a place of meekness, lowliness, humility and weakness. His approach to all people was always from a place of compassion and mercy. We never see Jesus take a stand for his agenda under the banner of God’s authority. Rather, he chose to serve every person who desired to be served without demanding anything of them.

Jesus puts the God's authority on display in flesh and bone for all of us to see, yet so many of us miss it. It’s safe to say when a person uses his or her position of power to force religious belief on others it is not the way of Jesus. Jesus never exercised his power over anyone, and instructed his disciples never to do that. Instead he instructed them to act as servants and slaves (Matthew 20:24-28).

In doing this we quickly learn what we oppose are not “issues” to be resolved or “problems” to be fixed, but men and women made in the image of the Almighty God who, as it turns out, are very much like us – needing and wanting to be loved and served.

If we are to take Jesus seriously, then our first question when it comes to others is to ask, “How can I serve them? What would it look like to be their slave?” And, like Jesus, we ought to be willing to do anything, including giving our life for them. This makes it hard to serve others while leveraging political power for one’s agenda, doesn’t it?

One thing is for sure, Davis is asserting someone’s authority, but it certainly doesn’t look like God’s.

WHAT IS BETTER THAN DEFENDING CHRISTIAN FREEDOM?

Persecution.

It’s a word many Christians in the United States use to describe what’s happening to them. Just today I received an email claiming there is a “powerful assault” against Christianity in our modern world.

Those who believe we are under attack identify anyone or anything that does not stand in alignment with traditional, conservative, Christian values as an adversary. The list of enemies includes, but is not limited to: public schools, the media, the LGBT Community, our government, the Supreme Court and the list goes on. When people believe this, violence is never far behind.

When a dominant institution, such as the Church in America, experiences decline or is met with a challenge they often fail to look within at its failures or weaknesses. Rather, the institution sharpens its focus outward to see what outside forces are causing the problems. Once those outside forces are identified they are seen as an enemy. Once this defensive posture is taken no questions or challenges to the establishment are tolerated - attacks against any real or perceived threat become commonplace.

So, here we are, the Church in America.

I do not recall a time when the feelings of “being under attack” have been greater. It’s no surprise some who identify as Christians return fire at those who not only refuse to “toe the line” but have dismissed the line altogether. Many have chosen to engage in the age-old game of retaliation, and rationalize their actions in the name of self-defense.

At this point I am tempted to quote Paul who instructs the people of God, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink ... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:20,21). Which means, if these attacks against Christians are real we should not live in a posture of defensiveness, but one that is willing to serve anyone and everyone.

But here’s the thing, many of those who have been deemed enemies are not enemies at all. Sure there are those who can’t stand Christians and the Church. In my experience those who revile the Church have often been victims of judgment, rejection and condemnation at the hands of Christians - so their feelings are understandable. As for the so-called “enemies” - the belief that they are engaged in a full-scale attack on the Church in America is largely a story told by Christians.

Those who believe Christianity in America is under attack are not suffering persecution, but suffering from a loss of influence, power, control, authority and, yes, privilege. While they were once the dominant voice in culture, they now are only one of many. What was once their grand stage is now a smaller platform among others. This is painful for many, no doubt, and points to a time of change for Christians in America. Any time change comes we are faced with having to make decisions. And one thing is for sure, choosing to see ourselves as victims under assault and arming ourselves to defend against our enemies is not the best way forward.

Perhaps we should reflect on the hymn Paul recorded in Philippians 2 to remind ourselves we are to have the same mindset as Jesus. I am glad Jesus did not walk among us here only to demand his rights, define enemies and defend his religious freedom. Rather, Jesus who had ultimate privilege forfeited that to be with humanity in all of our glory and mess. He was despised, rejected, oppressed, afflicted, bruised and punished - all without firing back or defending or calling anyone an enemy.

Many want to defend Christianity, which they claim is under attack in America. But I wonder, how many are willing to give, sacrifice, serve and humble themselves for the sake of others? And I wonder, which looks more like Jesus; defending and retaliating or giving and serving? While the answer to that last question is obvious, it seems living the answer to that last question is incredibly difficult.

Why You Should Look Back at Your Past

Driving a moving truck across Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska is the nearest I have come to experiencing eternity in this life. My GPS tried to tell me I was moving, that I was going somewhere, but given the endless, arrow-straight highway in front of us, we seemed to hover in place.

That day, that glimpse of eternity, was July 1, 2007. The following day, I pulled into Denver, CO to begin a new season of life as the Lead Pastor of Denver Community Church. Eight years ago today.

Each year on this day I think about moving to Denver - my fears, hopes, insecurities, doubts and dreams; I look back. And each time I think about moving I cannot help but think about the drive across middle America.

It felt like driving on a concrete treadmill not a concrete highway; driving but not moving anywhere. The only thing dimly reflecting a glimmer of hope was the odometer faithfully turning over every tenth of a mile, every mile, every ten miles. I don’t recall how frequently I checked to see how much further it was to Denver. I reckon it was ten times … every hour. Each time I wondered “How much further to Denver?” I really asked, “How far have I come?”

I have dwelled on the second question over the last few weeks. Many of us spend little time looking in the rearview mirrors of life. We prefer to keep our eyes fixed firmly on our destination. The problem is, like the two days in the moving truck, the destination can feel forever away. All we can think about is how much further we have to go, and forget how far we have come.

After eight years in Denver I can safely say I have not reached my destination nor is my journey over. At times, this can feel discouraging. I see all that is yet to be done, the ways I continue to fail, the things I never said, unsuccessful attempts that bred disappointment and the things I swore I would do that are still undone.

How much further?

However, days like today whisper, “Look how far you have come.” Moments when I recall all I have done, failures that transformed me, the meaningful words I spoke to others, the small successes that said “keep going” and the things I swore I would do that I completed. No matter how long certain days felt or how quickly a moment slipped away, there are days when we should stop and look back at our past. These days are necessary because in the midst of the mundane it can feel like we are not moving anywhere. Everything looks the same and we are not sure if we are heading anywhere. Days when all we have is a small odometer reminding us we are going somewhere, however sluggish it may be.

When I look back I am able to see forgiveness, grace, friends, redemption, mistakes, laughter, tears, failures, successes, health, breath, beauty and the list runs on. I see many of you who faithfully journeyed with me over the last eight years, other who were there only for a few miles and countless others who offered a word of encouragement in a critical moment. To all of you I say, “Thank you” which feels so trite and incomplete. Even a million and three “thank you’s” could never express my gratitude anymore than a cup of water could explain the ocean. Eight years on and I am still overwhelmed and thrilled to call Denver home and serve alongside amazing people at Denver Community Church.

Sometimes we need to look back at our past, and today I do just that and invite you to do the same. What are the miles you have traveled? What do you see in your rear view mirror? How far have you come? My prayer is that I will never forget to look back, take the long view on occasion, to remember how far I have come so that two powerful words will always be on my lips: “Thank you.”

TWO TOXIC STREAMS

By now, most are aware of the horrendous actions taken by a police officer in McKinney, Texas (if you are not aware you can click here and see the video). The video went viral and showed the sickening actions taken by this police officer. As a father I kept thinking, “What would I do, how would I feel, if that was my daughter?” Of course, commentary has freely flowed from all sides. In this, two toxic streams of thought surfaced once again.

The first stream surfaced after Ferguson. It hung in the air when Eric Garner was murdered and during the riots in Baltimore. The first stream of thought states outright those being shot and brutalized are not good people.

All it takes is one story, an Instagram picture or a tweet to show whoever was shot or brutalized was no angel. This sentiment appears to be growing. One shining example is found here at Breitbart -an attempt to make the officer's action at the pool party okay. It’s no surprise, as humans we are skilled at demonizing others.

By doing this we distance ourselves from others. They do bad things – we do not. They got in trouble with the police – we have never had an altercation with the police. They have low moral standards – we have high moral standards. The more we whisper these toxic words in our own ears the more convinced we are that we are nothing like them.

The second stream argues racism is overblown. Many people (most often people of privilege – think White, Christian, Upper Class) – claim the liberal media is just trying to make a story. Not long ago, a person emailed me and said, “Oh please, I know a lot of people of color who think racism is not as big of a problem as the liberal media wants us to believe!”

This stream says only one story can be normative, and stories of those who have been victimized by racism are invalid. More than that, anyone who believes racism is alive and well, and feels that police violence is a real problem is a gullible sucker.

These two toxic streams do the exact same thing – silence the voice of men and women victimized by racism by discrediting them and their stories. It is nothing more than a sophisticated form of oppression in 21^st Century America. We must move from trying to discredit to wanting to listen and understand. We need to stop demonizing to divide and build bridges to connect.

Beneath the surface of the first stream lies the attitude that says, "they deserved it." Really? If someone makes a poor choice they deserve to get shot and brutalized? If someone does not measure up to our standards then they should be humiliated and punished? Some have said just do what the police tell you - it's that simple. So if one does not do what the police say is it okay for the police to use excessive force?

The attitude supporting the second stream holds only one story to be true. For those in places of privilege we want our story of a just, equitable society to be true. After all, if it is not true we are the ones with the most to lose. It goes beyond us wanting the story to be true; many need this story to be true. So we swim in these toxic streams and allow the rushing waters to drown out the cry for justice.

We fail to see that until we are willing to view all men, women and children of all races, religions and orientation as our full equal – none of the violence, demonizing, discrediting and injustice will stop. Until we cease judging their behavior – none of the violence and injustice will stop. Until we stop denouncing their stories and experiences – none of the violence and injustice will stop.

This morning I am sickened and saddened by what I saw in that video in McKinney - and not just for that 14 year-old girl who was assaulted by that police officer. I am saddened because that video is one example of what millions have experienced multiple times because of the color of their skin when no cameras have caught it.

My prayer is all of us will choose to raise our voices together – not to demonize or discredit – but to cry out for peace, compassion and mercy. That together, as equals, we would stand, longing for justice and righteousness to be poured out on us. Some may argue my thoughts are too simplistic - that's fine. But I am willing to bet if we are willing to take just a few steps forward we may well see the healing we so desperately need.

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THE ALTERNATIVE TO JUDGING OTHERS

We are all familiar Jesus’ words, “Do not judge.” Perhaps our familiarity with it is due to the fact many of us insist on judging others. We are willing to entertain conversation about most anyone who makes a mistake or does something wrong, even when it has nothing to do with us. Something in us likes to see people pay for their misdeeds. So we attack.

Our attacks come in the form of opinions, jokes, Facebook banter and conversations. We call names, label others, race to characterize and make sure others know our thoughts. It’s a kind of public punishment that we get to enforce. We launch toxic, crippling words as a way of inflicting harm on those we believe should know better. But it gets worse.

Conversations abound of how people in the Church cast judgment on others. Yes, we are to discern good from evil, but we insist on judgment as a form of condemnation. In fact, from the people I have met, it may very be the single greatest reason men and women choose to leave the Church altogether.

We fail to see our form of judgment and punishment only creates a divide and forces others out. Yet, no matter how often we hear Jesus’ words we just can’t seem to stop.

Maybe we cannot stop judging and punishing others because something about it feeds us, and our appetite is insatiable. When we stand as judge, jury and executioner over another it gives us the feeling of being superior and righteous. And, let’s be honest, the alternative just does not give us the same feeling.

The alternative is, of course, seeking to reconcile, restore and renew. This does nothing to feed us. Rather, it asks us to feed others – including those who should know better and those have wronged us. The alternative demands we stand under the other and recognize we are all in need of reconciliation.

And the people of God are called to be ministers of reconciliation.

We cannot take a step toward that call until we first love. Some, no doubt, hear this and think this kind of love is weak. This kind of love gives everyone a pass, tells everyone they are okay or it’s cool to be messed up. If any of us think that is what love is, we are mistaken, because none of those things are love.

To be clear, love is violent. However, the violence of love, is far different than the violence we dole out to one another everyday. The violence of love is what we see on the cross.

The cross was the single greatest act of love in human history, and it was, at the same time, extremely violent. The difference is Jesus took the violence on himself. He did not strike out at those who mocked him or fight against those who nailed him in place; he forgave them. In the midst of punishment at the hands of humans – Jesus loved and loved violently.

The violence of love asks each of us to take the violence on ourselves. This kind of love does not give others a pass or pretend everyone is okay. Rather, it recognizes the brokenness, fear, anger, shame, sin and hate in others and agrees to take all of that on itself. In this, love causes the spiral of violence to cease.

If we are willing to imitate this kind of love, we will find it’s quite hard to spend our time judging others. Because if we love others enough to serve them, to not return an insult and let their pain be ours we will find judgment and punishment no longer fit. Too often, we miss this first step and fail to love.

We must see our appetite for judgment has caused us to be overstuffed, overweight and unconcerned for the hearts of others. Many of us have abandoned our call to be ministers of reconciliation. Rather than renew, redeem and restore we tear down and create mounds of ruin. We have a bloodlust, forgetting all the while that the blood spilled on the cross was enough for all of us – which means no more blood needs to be spilled.

The invitation for each of us is to abandon judgment, to abstain from condemnation, to forego punishment and pursue the violence of love. It demands that we feed others rather than feed ourselves. Perhaps if we, through the power of the Spirit, can do this we just might find less judgment. More than that, we will find more reconciliation.

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