judging a goalkeeper

There is something that needs to be said. I am judgmental. This is hard to admit as it flies in the face of who I like to think I am. However, it is true. The only thing that comforts me is the fact that most everyone else is judgmental too (is that a judgmental statement?).

My brother-in-law roped me into playing indoor soccer. Having not played for over four years I was mildly hesitant to play, until he said that it was men’s rec league. Last night we played our third game. When I walked onto the field I saw two old acquaintances Jeremy and Christian. I have played with and against these guys in years past. To be honest, both of them are jerks. They trash talk, cheap shot and taunt their opponents.

I greeted them and chatted a little before we played. Throughout the game Jeremy would make a save in goal (he is a goalkeeper) and roll the ball out to a teammate. He never said anything to those on the opposing side. At one point I fired a shot on goal, and he made a brilliant save. He bounced back up with a smile, and said, “Nice shot bro!”

What was happening? Jeremy is a jerk. My worldview was crumbling. While it has been some four years since I last played, it has been seven or eight since I played with Jeremy or Christian. They both played hard, smiled, and complimented the opponent. They were different, yet in many ways I was the one who stayed the same.

After the match Christian said to me, “Do you remember when I used to have to take you off the field and warn you about your temper?” Christian remembered me when I was fifteen. He remembered a hot-headed teenager who once ran across the field during a dead ball, and kicked a defender as hard as he could in the knee. He smiled, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Now you have kids … we all grow up.”

Indeed we had all grown up.

I was judging. Christian was remembering the past, and celebrating newness (probably because I did not kick him in the knee). Jeremy told me after the match that he was playing less because he was coaching his daughter’s team. Another guy I ran into told me how he and his wife had spent two years in Africa serving the poor and needy. Like me, these guys had changed.

On the way home I wondered if they thought, “Wow Michael didn’t kick anyone, curse, or lose his cool. That is amazing!” I walked out onto the field knowing how I have changed over the last fifteen years since I kicked that guy in the leg. Yet so often I keep others where they are in my memory. I judge them and at the same time exonerate myself.

On the way home I said out loud, “God thank you for allowing people to change.” So often it is easier to keep people in a category or a box so that we can be comfortable with who we are. When we grow alongside others our strengths and weaknesses tend to remain our strengths and weaknesses. The things that we would rather not recognize about ourselves are still visible.

As we left the field Jeremy, Christian, Dave and I spoke about playing together again. Glory days have long since past us by, and we are out-of-shape but we still love to play. And we will play together as a team of people who have changed and are changing.