HOW PASTORS RAISE EXPECTATIONS
It often seems when a member of the clergy makes the news it is not for good reasons. The most recent national headline came out of Maryland about Bishop Heather Elizabeth Cook who struck and killed a cyclist. She fled the scene before returning.
Michelle Boorstein from the Washington Post wrote of how this accident has set off “passionate debate about our expectations of religious leaders …” (See Boornstein’s article here). Let me be clear: I am not here to criticize Cook, the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland or any single member of clergy.
However, as a member of the clergy we must acknowledge our role in how high we have raised the level of expectations. There are a few reasons why I say this.
The first reason is the religious infatuation with celebrity pastors.
Much has been written to date about this phenomenon in American culture. Pastors have become famous public figures and icons. While members of the clergy may want to blame the masses for this, we would do better to look at ourselves. Far too often we tend to believe our own press.
There is a subtle motivation for pastors to gain a wider platform and get noticed. I do not believe any pastor is beyond being tempted by the allure of fame (and yes, if you are wondering, this includes me). While there is little we can do to change the opinions or attitudes of men and women in our congregations; we can stop pursuing being noticed and praised.
The more we pursue being celebrities and create celebrity culture the more we set ourselves up for a horrible downfall. Why? Because celebrities are not real – they are the men and women who look perfect, wear the latest and best clothing and live in zip codes God couldn’t afford.
When we create this kind of image around ourselves we invite our congregations to believe we have a near perfect and enviable life. Worse yet, celebrity pastors nearly always center their church on themselves – so if they fall so does the entire church.
The second reason is the consumer culture in our churches.
Many of today’s largest churches are machines fueled by the insane amounts of money given to keep it running. From the guitarist on the platform to those who maintain the massive buildings throughout the week – most everyone is paid.
All of this is done so the weekend events called worship services can be a show that rivals the best Broadway has to offer. This communicates to the masses showing up each weekend, “You sit there while we do everything you’ve paid for and come to expect.” In other words: Let the professionals do the heavy lifting.
We’ve even created a culture where sharing our faith is no longer necessary. All one has to do is invite his or her friend to attend church where a well-spoken person on the platform will tell them about Jesus. The unintended consequence within this rather popular church culture in America is the belief that those on the platform are somehow more in tune with God than those in the chairs. It’s little more than a religious brand of feudalism.
The third reason is we are consumed with doing and not with being.
It’s no secret the demands placed on members of the clergy are enormous. It seems nearly everyone has an opinion on … well, everything. From how we should dress, to what should be or should not be preached, to wanting us to give more time, and the list goes on. And, if you’ve been a member of the clergy for more than a week, you know when expectations are not met, people can get nasty.
The temptation is to try and please people. But let’s not forget – this will never happen. Ever.
I speak with so many pastors who burn out trying to do all that people want them to do. It is impossible. The best thing we can do for our congregation is not give them everything they expect, want or think they need. The best gift we can give them is to ruthlessly pursue spiritual, emotional and physical health.
Sure there will be some who complain. Sure we will get some mean emails. Sure there will be a few families who may even leave our churches because we are not meeting their needs.
But here is the good news.
Even if all that should happen – we will be more whole than ever. And being healthy and whole is the best thing we can give to our congregations. To do this we must begin with vulnerability – which is a great enemy to celebrity, consumerism and attempting to please.
In being vulnerable we invite those closest to us to speak into our lives, call us out when we are wrong and challenge us to better living. We must have men and women with whom we confess our insecurities, sins and struggles. With proper disclosure, we must do this with our congregations too. We must give them the gift of seeing us as nothing other than men and women who are on the same journey toward wholeness and healing as everyone else.
While the debates about expectations swirls, as members of the clergy we must be willing to take responsibility for how we have contributed to unreasonably high expectations.
When we pursue celebrity we invite people to believe something that is not real. If we entertain and add to the consumer culture in our world we tell people we have something they have to pay for. If we strive to please we will be left gutted with nothing to offer.
It’s possible if we are able to recognize these things, overcome the temptation that each brings and move beyond them we may adjust expectations to a reasonable place.
Should the expectations on members of clergy be high? I’d say yes – high but not unrealistic. And I believe how realistic the expectations on us actually are is more up to us than we may care to admit.