I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Sir Edward John Poynter

I am deeply suspicious of anyone who has an answer for any and every question. As a pastor I field a lot of questions, and many end up disappointed because I don’t have all the answers. Other times, people do not want to hear the answer. I experienced this a few weeks ago with a seminary student.

He was grilling me with questions about what life is like as a pastor. He asked, “What is your daily routine?” “How do you intentionally model a Christian life for your congregation?” “What are the five best practices for preparing a sermon?” “How do you create space for your family amidst such a demanding job?”

Questions like these make me feel awkward, because the person asking seems to have a certain level of expectation. When responding, there is a way to answer that will make them happy - and then there is the truth. Often what is true is not what people want to hear. With each question he asked I kept thinking that I could just, well … lie.

I could talk about waking up while it is dark to spend hours in prayer. Or that I put my life on display as an example of what it means to passionately follow Jesus. Or explain the four ways that I pursue being a wonderful husband and father. The problem is, not one is true.

So I said, “My being a pastor is simply God’s way of redeeming my incessant need to be the center of attention.” The more truthful I was the more disappointed he became. He realized that before him was no spiritual giant, only a guy experiences sin and grace everyday.

Like the Prodigal Son, I am constantly wandering away from home and turning back to see father who is running to me while I am still a long way off. One of my favorite works of art captures the scene of the prodigal son returning home.

My friend Wayne gave me a lithograph of that painting, which today hangs in my office. Everyday I spend time staring at that beautiful piece of art as I dwell on the father running to me. I have to remind myself that the picture Jesus created in that story is a true reflection of God, because sometimes I still struggle to believe that.

Too often we are seduced by the lure of looking, thinking or being a certain kind of person - one who meets the approval and acceptance of others. We will never disentangle ourselves from this way of thinking and living until we admit we admit that we do it far too often.

From that place, then we have the joy of turning around to see the father running to us. The act of repentance can be the very thing that leads us to an understanding of God’s deep love, mercy and grace. In this, we can find the freedom of living without the shackles of others expectations.

Of course, we do not have to live this way. We can go on living in a way that will make others happy. Or we can discover the freedom of living out the truth.