DON'T SAY ANYTHING

As humans we do all we can to stay away from grief. I should tell you this blog is about grief. If that’s not something you like to think about, you can stop reading now.

I was reminded of this at a recent lunch with a friend whose father is dying. He told me that whenever he speaks about it people get uncomfortable and say, “I will be praying for you.” He said that it’s nice that people say that, but it often seems like they are just saying it so they can be done talking about it.

We really can’t blame those who respond like this. Our aversion to grief has led to us rarely speak about it. As a result, in times like this, most of us don’t know what to say. And that is precisely the problem.

We don’t have to say anything. We simply need to be willing to sit, listen, and grieve alongside others. We need to be willing to allow the pain of others to become our pain.

This is what we see in Jesus. The prophet Isaiah spoke of him as one who would suffer, and through his suffering bring healing. Isaiah wrote that he was “a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” This pain was not his. It was our pain that he took on himself.

Because we are not familiar with pain, sorrow or grief whenever we see it in someone else, we try to get as far away as possible. What we fail to see is that what people who are grieving need is not more words. They need someone who is willing to take on their pain, and walk alongside them.

This does not take someone who is supremely smart. It does not demand that we understand the contours of the human psyche. It only asks that we, like Jesus, allow ourselves to take up the pain of others and bear their suffering.

Perhaps you are reading this, and you know of someone who is in a difficult place. If you are brutally honest, you may even admit you’ve avoided them at times because you don’t know what you’d say if you had to be with them.

Perhaps all they need is for you to be with them, to sit, to listen, and to allow their pain to become yours. When it comes to grief we don’t need explanations; we need friends.