Please Do Not Tell it Like It Is

For as long as I can remember people have spoken of others who “talk straight” in an admiring way. Just yesterday I read an article praising a pastor who does not “candy-coat” his messages. A few weeks ago someone was telling me about a pastor they know who “doesn’t waste any time” because he just “tells it like it is.”

This kind of rhetoric has often seemed to me to be unloving, arrogant, and insensitive. It makes the assumption that a person can make authoritative, absolutist statements to others who willingly ingest them. This kind of communication smacks of power and not humility. Those who speak this way demand to be heard, rather than showing a willingness to earn a place in conversation.

Let me unpack this a little.

When someone says that a person “tells it like it is” that’s often not true. They tell it as they understand it to be. Every viewpoint is a view from a point (which would be a smashing name for a blog). Most people have an opinion, a perspective, a way of seeing things and those things should be heard. For it is with diverse perspectives that we gain greater understanding and clarity – not only about an issue but also about ourselves.

When a person shows up, speaking louder than the rest and says “Let me tell it like it is …” it diminishes the thoughts and insights of others. This is why this style of rhetoric carries an arrogant edge, for the one speaking is telling all who will listen that his message is what’s most important. It’s saying, “I am not interested in what you think.”

Those who routinely practice “straight talk” often lack the ability to listen, which in turn stunts their ability to learn, which in another turn (didn’t see that one coming did you?) is why they rarely have anything new to say. I think they know this, which is why, over time, they become increasingly louder and angrier. Maybe they feel stuck, and they don’t know what to do about it.

It’s this attitude that pursues “power over” and does not approach others in a posture of humility. Jesus was all about “power under.” In his teachings Jesus is calling on people’s imaginations. His communicated in stories, and always asked questions. Even when he was asked questions, he rarely answered it head on. It must have driven those “straight talkers” crazy!

By fostering conversation, telling stories, and asking questions Jesus forced his listeners to think and take a good hard look at their heart. He always did this with love and humility as he not only spoke with others but listened to them too. Jesus’ biggest concern was not “getting heard,” but for people to see their hearts. He knew that “telling it like it is” often doesn’t provide space for people to get there.

Some believe that "truth needs to be heard" at all costs, which makes "telling it like it is" okay. But let's not forget that if this happens in an unloving way, it's counts as nothing. Maybe this is why so many people have stopped listening to dogmatic pastors and angry politicians. If there is no love they are only a clanging pots and pans - people don't hear anything. Jesus told stories in humility - and yet his message has endured for 2,000 years.

Jesus spoke in the tradition of the prophets. The prophets spun rhymes, acted out messages in dramatic fashion, and wrote poems that were comforting and disturbing. A common hook for the prophets to hang their message on was, “They LORD has said.”

Frightening – not so much for the one’s hearing the message, but for the prophets. They were proposing to speak, not just for God, but the very words of God. Which means they had to listen well. For all that has been said about the prophet’s messages, I am more amazed by their ability to hear God. The prophets listened well.

My hope is that someday people may say of the people of God “they listened well” and that we don’t only have ears to hear ourselves. For it is through the act of listening that we learn to speak well. May our desire for brevity and insistence on the “bottom line” never lead us to “straight talk.” For while the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, let’s be honest, linear conversation is boring and rarely leads anywhere – especially the heart.