Growing in Change, Part Two

In my experience I have seen many people approach change by speaking of personal experience. They talk about how they used to think, used to be, or used to act. Then they speak about the change that happened in them. Often times this comes with more than a smidge of ego mixed in. As if to say, with a tad of condescension (which means to talk down to you), “I used to be where you are, but now I am somewhere else.”

Have you ever met a really annoying fan of Apple products (is there any other kind?). I happen to own a MacBook Pro for home, I also use one for work, and yes I have the new iPhone (but I cannot use it to speak to anyone). It is almost a humorous thing to speak with those who own a Mac.

They almost seem angry about PC’s. They talk about all the reasons their change was good, right, just, and beautiful. And so it goes. The most annoying “Mac People” are those who are recent-former PC users. They talk about change, but in some ways they speak more about PC’s than Macs. Which raises a question, “Have they really changed?”

Some people so badly want to change, but it seems they never move very far from where they started. A friend of mine loves to tell people he is a “Post Evangelical.” I always remind him that he needs to find a new label because as long as he uses his current one he will never be far from Evangelicals.

You can hear it when he speaks. He frequently frames his thoughts in terms of what he used to think. Is this change? In some ways it seems like the same product with new packaging. Many want to change, but in reality do not move very far from where they begin. Maybe this all goes back to our needing to change how we talk about change.

George Herbert Mead, a sociologist who lived in late 19th / early 20th centuries, spoke of this kind of thing. He talked about a community of reference. What he meant was that no matter how far away we get from “home” it will still always be our reference point. Because the place where we begin our journey, will forever be the place from which we measure how far we have traveled.

My friend, the “Post Evangelical,” wants to talk about where he is now. However, he can only do so in terms of his upbringing and former faith tradition. He believes he has changed, but his journey seems tied to his starting point. In some ways his ability to change seems limited on how far he is willing to go. Maybe for him there is still comfort in knowing where he is in relation to what he knows all too well.

It seems that even when change is embraced, we still only moves in relation to what was. This is because we cannot abandon everything. Some things, like it or not, will be with us forever – and that bothers people, and makes them more passionate for change. Change, it seems, they may never be capable of themselves. At least, the kind of change we have been talking about.

The most jaded people are the ones who, in their minds, have become something else yet cannot shake their roots. Everything they do somehow goes back to what they were. We need to change how we approach change.