A Culture of Adolescence

Last night at dinner my children, who are 6-years-old and 4-years-old, were locked in an embittered struggle. The argument began over a particular detail in a cartoon they both like. My son insisted, “Yes, it is!” My daughter had a predictable retort, “No, it’s not!” This back and forth quickly devolved into name-calling and insults. I stepped in as the referee, and asked that they apologize to one another.

As dinner went on I realized that what I just witnessed between my children happens everyday, everywhere. However, it is not limited to two children sitting at a dinner table with their parents. It happens around the water cooler at work, between friends who are having a beer, and in public places like the blogosphere and most major media outlets. It begins with an issue and quickly moves toward insults, accusations, character assaults, and name-calling.

It is amazing to me that people get so angry, so quickly when someone disagrees with them. It seems that we are unable to discuss the real, important issues due to our swelling arrogance and the largeness of our egos. Because of this we lack the ability to go deeper.

This inability to pursue depth stunts growth. For many people, the issues that lead to such vitriol are vitally important. However, we never really get to them. We simply yell louder so that no one can hear anything. And there is a direct proportion to the volume of someone’s voice and their opinion of the person with whom they are arguing.

At the end of the day, each person walks away believing the other to be an ass, but neither is better. Worse yet, the issue at hand has in no way been resolved or spoken of with any intelligence.

We live in a culture of accepted and affirmed adolescence. A culture that tells us whoever gets the last word, with the best insult wins. We veer away from the issues and simply try to make those who believe in certain issues look like idiots. We then think, “You have to be an idiot to believe that!” And with self-assurance we tell ourselves we are not idiots, therefore we are right.

Perhaps this is why people continue to speak about the divide that exists in our world. Maybe it is not the issues that divide us, but the way we approach the issues. Who wants to hang out with someone who fires away at your character because you have a difference of opinion? Who wants to learn from someone who, in the most condescending way, parodies a person with whom they disagree?

Name-calling has nothing to do with healthcare. Fear mongering has nothing to do with exploring theology. Character assassinations have nothing to immigration reform. Mockery has nothing to do with an opinion that is different from yours. Insults have nothing to do with why a candidate should be in office. Condescension has nothing to do with doctrine with which you disagree.

We need to move to a deeper place altogether. This requires us to mature and to agree that we will stop acting like kids arguing at dinner over their cartoon. This is hard work. We have to listen, delve into issues, listen, educated ourselves, listen, read about the issues from all points of view, listen, and listen. Perhaps if we begin to do more of this we will be able to see more clearly when the issues cease to be a part of our conversations, and in the end move back to the issues at hand – and together move to a deeper place.