solution side

One of my friends and mentors Jim Liske had a lot of sayings. For those of you who know him, you also know about his sayings. Things like, "Thin edge of the wedge." "Do the ask." "Land the plane." And the list could go on ... and on ... and yes it could well keep on going.

One thing he used to say that would often turn conversation in a brand new direction was one of my favorite of his particular sayings. “Get solution side.” What he meant was, “Good you have identified the problem, stop beating that dead horse. What is the solution to that problem.” Someone would speak about a problem, and he would say, “Get solution side.”

I recall one conversation when I was complaining about something and he dropped the “solution side” thing. I knew where he was going, but I really wanted to complain about the problem. He once again said his “solution side” mantra, and I found myself getting irritated. Did he not know how good it was feeling to complain about my problem?

I know that others have felt the same thing. People generally like to complain about things. And not just complain, but really complain. And not just really complain, but really complain to as many people who are willing to listen. As if this is not enough, those to whom they complain compound the perceived problem.

You may know how this goes. If a person has something or someone that bothers them, often they will tell another person. More often than not, the person listening to the complaining, in an attempt at empathy, replies by lodging their own complaint about that same something or someone that has been identified as a perceived problem. They go back and forth about a particular perceived problem, until at last they begin repeating their initial complaints, then they know it is time to stop.

It is not just complaining about a perceived problem either. People use fear mongering when speaking about something they perceive as a problem. Generate enough fear and the problem will get bigger. If the perceived problem is worse more people will get on the side of hate. But this does not work. People rarely develop good, creative, sustainable solutions when they are rooted in fear.

Some, when speaking of a perceived problem choose their language recklessly and use slander or hate speech. In doing this, they demonize the perceived problem. Then we can really objectify the perceived problem, especially if it is a person. But this does not work. No good comes about from tearing down a person or a group of people. If one is weaker because of our vilifying him or her, we are all weaker.

The most popular form of speaking about a perceived problem that I have encountered is mockery and sarcasm. It is also the hardest to detect for the one issuing the mocking rhetoric can always say, “I was joking.” But they are not joking. With every jab, bite, and smirk the true feelings of the person lies just beneath. Alas, this also does not work. The more we denigrate with words, the more trivial the perceived problem becomes, and over time we cease to look upon it with any urgency whatsoever.

We expend all of this energy what is accomplished? Nothing. Something or someone who was identified as the problem has only become the object or victim of harsh criticism. They only result is that the complainers, fear mongers, slanderers, and mockers feel justified (not to mention more deeply entrenched) in their own opinion (or dogma) about a particular problem.

So when someone throws out a “solution side”, many would rather not. To get to the solution requires more of us than simple complaining. It requires understanding the thing or person who is bothering us. This requires listening, learning, educating ourselves and possibly giving up preconceived notions about what we thought about the thing or person believed to be the problem (it may even mean that we recognize we are the problem!).

With this new knowledge of the problem, we are then forced to think about solutions. This is where it gets tricky. This means more listening, learning, educating ourselves and possibly giving up preconceived notions about what we thought about the thing or person believed to be the problem.

Then we have to instigate the solution. We have to generate a plan that makes sense for all those involved, and that all involved can agree to. We need to explain why we are doing what we are doing. We need to be able to accurately define the problem without complaining, gossiping, mocking, or slandering.

We are forced to give reasons why it is a problem (based on education and research not on our own opinions), and why our solution (also based on education and research not our own opinions) will work. In all of this we have to walk to the end of the solution all while being able to listen and change course when necessary.

This “solution side” thing is starting to sound like a problem, isn’t it? While it may be a problem, it may well get us to the other side. Just imagine what our world would be like if people listened, treated those who disagreed with a smidge of dignity like those who disagree were actually made in the image of God, and stopped using mocking names. Could you imagine a place where people of every persuasion began working together to get “solution side?” That would be something.

As for me, I say we get “solution side.” Can we stop using complaining, fear mongering, slander, hate speech, and sarcasm as substitutes for real solutions to all of our perceived problems (religious, political, familial, social, etc.)? If you disagree with something, great. But why? What is your solution? Does it work? If you do not have a solution save all of us the misery of hearing more complaining ... stop, think, listen, learn, develop a thought, and then speak with intelligence (that is my solution to the mire we find ourselves in).

And one more note, if you think this blog is a problem, that is fine. But why? “Get solution side.”