it always hurts

Every living person has experienced pain in their lives. For some it has been as trivial as stubbing his or her toe. For others it has been much more serious. While there are varying degrees of pain there is one thing that all pain has in common. It hurts, and we never forget it.

How many times have you been privy to a “war wounds” discussion while in a room full of athletes? You know what I mean? One begins to tell about an ankle injury … then another about a wrist … then a leg … then a hip … then a body. For some reason, even with physical injury we have a difficult time forgetting about it.

Recently I was having a discussion with a friend who just got worked over by some close friends of his. He was betrayed, lied to, hurt, and treated in a way that most would not treat their dog. He remarked that he does not know what to do when it comes to forgiving those who hurt him. He then talked about forgetting about this, and getting over it.

I began to think about hurt … I asked him if we should really forget about our hurt. So often I hear others say, “get over it.” I wonder if we should. I am not advocating that we all wander in sorrow for all the days of our life. This would be like limping around 3 years after twisting an ankle.

As hard as we try we will never forget times that we hurt. We ought not to be people who allow ourselves to be controlled by the pain, but forgetting about it all together? Pain shapes us and molds us … sometimes for better or worse. Each time we remember pain, we still wince. There is something about it that still hurts a little. Not as bad as it once did … but it hurts nonetheless.

I wonder how God the Father feels if, like the disciples, when he looks at his son Jesus he sees the nail marks in his hands. How does the Father feel when he thinks about having to turn his back on his son and abandon him in his darkest moment? How does Jesus feel about the moment in which he embraced the suffering, sin, and damnation of the world? Is there that twinge in their gut when they think of this time?

One thing is for sure, and that is this: Pain stinks. However, when we try to live our lives acting like it never happened, it seems futile. We have to be people who recognize the pain that has been in our life in the past, and recognize how it has shaped us into who we are.

In my life I regularly encounter people who have experienced pain in their life. I have learned that they do not want easy answers. They do not want to someone to say, “It will be okay.” They do not want any kind of false hope. They can sniff out inauthentic answers in no time. I have had pain in my life. It has shaped me, broken me, and in some ways profoundly changed me.

So when someone speaks of pain in his or her life, I just tell them, “It hurts, and you never have to forget that.” Who knows maybe this is really bad advice, but maybe we would all be better off if we weren’t in such a hurry to get better. For it is in our suffering that we can identify with Jesus.