i don't want to be a man

Today, Myles and I were walking through a store, rounded a corner, and came to the hunting section. He pointed and said in his little voice, “Daddy wha’ are dose?” I looked and said, “Those are guns.” He then said, “Wha’ are dey for?” I replied, “They are for killing things.” He then said, “Do you kill things?” I said, “No, buddy Daddy doesn’t kill things.”

As we were talking I saw a few guys with field camo shirts on that were nicely blending into the background of the department store. One of them must have caught my “Daddy doesn’t kill things comment” as he kind of gave me a puzzled look. Part of me felt a little weird. I wanted to rip my shirt in half, wipe some of the deer scent on me, beat my chest, and eat a bear heart just to show that I was tough … that I was a man.

That I was a man? Is this really what my identity as a man has come to? I am not pointing the finger at hunters as people who do this simply because they are a man. I do think however that the idea of being a guy has really been misunderstood in our world. Worse than that is seeing guys who have bought into the idea of what culture has told us men are to be.

While I hate labels, I watch the television and see the following labels. The TV tells me that guys love to eat, a lot, and that having a gut is cool because we eat so much. If you happen to have a gut it is really funny to gross your wife out with said gut.

If you are a guy you when you are not thinking about food you are thinking about sex. Women are mere targets to us, because as men we cannot do anything to control ourselves. If we are guys who have any respect for women, or treat them with respect we are dorks.

Guys like cars (and should know a lot about fixing them), and the only mode of transport better than cars are motorcycles.

Guys do not like to read, and would much prefer banging painted bare chests with other guys at a football game in the snow than ever learn something.

Guys have no motivation to do anything, and only ever do anything good while being yelled at by their wife as they roll their eyes at her.

Guys love guns, explosions, blood, and anything that smacks of violence or destruction. The only thing better than watching these kinds of things on television is actually performing them to a lesser degree by using fireworks, or shooting Bambi’s mom.

By these standards I do not want to be a man. Not that I am saying I want to be a woman, but whatever being a guy has become, it is just not something I want to be.

Now some of you are thinking, “Well every guy I know is like this.” If you are thinking this, then I say to you, “We have a crisis of epic proportions.” Might I remind you of what I wrote at the beginning of this blog:

Worse than that is seeing guys who have bought into the idea of what culture has told us men are to be.

I have become frustrated with people who perpetuate what our culture has told us what we are to be. We have bought into this whole “man” thing way to much. I have a friend who has been caught in sin. He and I were talking about the fact that he was going to go before the board at his church out east and ask forgiveness for his sinfulness. He said to me, “My buddies told me that I had to be a man, get tough, and own up to what I did wrong.” I said back to him, “What does asking forgiveness of your faith community for what you have done have to do with you having a penis?” I continued, “You have chosen to do the right thing. Your sin has affected your community, but your asking forgiveness has more to do with being a disciple of Jesus. If you were a woman you should be doing the same thing.”

Why have we made courage, toughness, and honor a thing about men? Honestly, Esther had more courage than most any man I know. Deborah was tougher than many of the other judges. If we are to speak of honor, should we look any further than the mother of Jesus? Can we stop profiling men please? While men may say that they resemble many of the things described earlier, many are that way because we have been told, and shown, our whole life that this is the way we are supposed to be. If anyone is told something about themselves long enough they will believe it.

Men have started to believe what they have been told. Buying into these messages is what is wrong with so many of us. So guys, stop acting like guys (the better label for what our culture has told us we are is “idiot”), and start acting like Jesus. This is where all people, man or woman, will find themselves and our truest identity.