listen

I recently read the book by Jim Wallis called
God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It. If you have not read it, I think you should, but I am not a book reviewer, and that is not what this blog is about, only where it starts.

So the other day I someone asked me, “So what books are you reading lately?”
I said to her, “God’s Politics.”
She said, “I don’t like that guy, he’s a liberal.”
I said, “Oh.”

I walked away and was really curious about why people (especially in the evangelical world) so quickly dismiss opposing ideas by name calling or insulting the one with the ideas. My wife and I were talking about this the other day. She said, “If you call someone a name then they cease being a person that has credible ideas” (yes, I am fully aware that I married over my head).

Why do we do this? It drives me crazy. I have friends that when the hear the name “Bill Clinton” they spaz out like someone just fired a gun at them. I have friends that when you bring up most any moderately controversial idea they dismiss the thought by saying, “well she’s arrogant” or a “what an idiot!” (Maybe I should just stop talking about faith and politics). Why? Even if the person is arrogant, or possibly an idiot, does that mean that we really can throw out everything they think and believe without giving it a second thought?

Maybe we should stop all of the name calling, insulting, and cheap shots and do something groundbreaking … listen to one another (if you just called me a name, you may have missed the point). When someone says they are against the war or for the war … listen. When someone says she is a democrat or a republican … listen. When someone says he is a Buddhist or a Christian … listen. It is amazing the amount of understanding that can happen when we simply listen to each other in an attempt to understand.

Have you ever watched someone make a complete fool of themselves by becoming entirely too angry? You know what I mean … cursing, yelling, red face. Everyone around him becomes really uncomfortable. Often, if you witness something like this you think that person is an ass. What if, however, you could sit and understand that person? A friend of mine one time freaked out on a golf course, and took a swing at another golfer … long story. What an idiot! Oh yeah, two weeks before he did this his mother died, and he had bottled all of it up inside, and not yet grieved.

I do not think that all thoughts, faiths and behaviors are correct. However, all faith, thoughts and behaviors generally have very good reasons behind them. The reasons do not excuse the behavior; the reasons however help make sense of the faith, behavior and/or the ideas. So when you see someone thinking or acting one way or another … should you really call names? Or should you seek to understand that person, enter their world, and see things as they see?

For those of you calling me names and saying something like, “You idiot I do listen!” Could you listen some more? Some have said things like, “Just like a doctor needs to listen to her patient so that she knows what to fix, so we need to listen to others.” This presumes that the listener has the answers … this presumes that the listener has something to fix … this presumes that the listener is only listening so that she can speak.

What has happened to the art of listening and understanding? I have learned a lot about selflessness from listening to my Buddhist friends. I have learned a lot about acceptance from listening to my “pagan” friends. I have learned a lot about faith from listening to my atheist friends (think about the faith it takes to believe there is nothing there). I have learned a lot about dealing with hurt and rejection from listening to my gay friends. I have learned a lot about serving the poor from listening to my “liberal” friends.

I have learned how to listen from these people too. I have learned how to listen because they listened to me, and they were patient with me. For a time I would try to “fix” them, and argue with them … thankfully they were patient with me, and stayed the course, and through their example I am learning how to listen.