to my gay friends
This is a post that I wrote for our faith community's discussion forum recently. The question was raised regarding our thoughts on homosexuality ... this was my reply to an individual named Will who is a part of our faith community and is gay. I want to post this on my blog, as an open letter to my gay and lesbian friends ...
Just out of college, I worked as a waiter at a restaurant in Grand Rapids. My first shift there I met Eric, who is gay. He and I were chatting for a bit, and I mentioned being in school. He asked where and I told him I was in seminary.
His reply was unforgettable. He wretched his face and said defensively, "oh you're a Christian, so are you going to tell me that I am going to hell?!?" the amazing thing is he had not even told me he was gay at this point.
I replied with a smile, and said, "well if we are going to work with stereotypes, then I will presume that even though you know I am not gay, you will still hit on me and try to sleep with me." he was surprised, and then started laughing, and from that point on became great friends. Why would he say something that quickly about Christians when he was unprovoked?
In his book "what's so amazing about grace?" Phillip Yancey has a quote from a friend of his who is gay. He said, "as a gay man I’ve found it's easier for me to get sex on the streets than to get a hug in church." (Page 168). I found out later that this was Eric’s experience.
The church in America has been so quick to speak, bigoted in its discussion, and more than unkind when speaking to the gay and lesbian community that the gay and lesbian community has stopped listening, and with good reason. Every time they crack the door open we not only knock it down, we destroy whatever is behind it. I believe the best place for the church to begin our dialogue with the gay community is not to talk about how we "view" them, but to begin with a humble apology.
So to any person who is gay or lesbian, let me start by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry for the venom that the church has spewed on you, for the hatred we have sent your way, for chasing you away from the church. I am sorry that you have for so long, hurt alone because the church has turned its back on you. We are responsible for so much hurt and disillusionment in the lives of so many people. I am sorry that I have laughed at "gay jokes" and sometimes objectified people who are gay by labeling them rather than seeing them first as people. Please forgive me. Please forgive us. We must first come to the place where we can speak to one another openly, with humility, respect and mutual honor. It is only then that we can begin to heal.
I believe healing our relationship is the first step; it is only from this place that we can have open and honest dialogue with one another.